He left London with one bag.
He had a routine. Comfort. Plans. And still something felt off. Not broken. Not in crisis. Justā¦ edited. Like there was a version of him that only came out in flashes, when the performance could rest for a moment.
“I was always a little on,” he says. “Holding parts of myself back without even realizing it.”
Heād done plant medicine twice before with a shaman. Done kambo. Done mushrooms. Spent time at a yoga retreat in India. Heād sat with the hard stuff, moved through things that most people never get close to.
But every single time, he was the only queer person in the room.
Traveling full-time gave him confidence. Openness. A version of himself that felt more real.
And it also taught him something less comfortable: freedom without roots doesnāt fill the gap. You can escape your environment and still carry your patterns with you. You can be on a beach in another country and still feel like youāre performing.
What he was really craving wasnāt another destination.
It was a space where he didnāt have to perform at all. Where he could build real connection with people on the same journey and actually stay long enough for something to shift.
Thatās Why He Said Yes to Awaken.
When he heard about a 7-day sacred plant retreat in Costa Rica designed specifically for gay men something clicked.
Not a general wellness retreat with a rainbow flag tacked on. A space built from the ground up for the queer nervous system – for the particular way gay men carry shame, desire, identity, and longing. A room where the work doesnāt need an asterisk.
āThis will be the first time Iāll do this kind of work surrounded by men like me,ā he says. āIām excited to finally feel fully supported. Fully safe.ā
What Awaken Actually Is
Set at Qasa a private eco-luxury sanctuary in the Costa Rican jungleāAwaken is a 7-day retreat for gay men ready to let go of old wounds and reconnect with their most authentic selves.
Itās not random or unstructured. Itās guided, intentional, and built to support you before, during, and after with real integration so that what happens in the jungle actually lands in your life.
Two sacred paths are available, both held in a fully private, queer-centered container:
2026 Retreat Dates
- š May 17ā23 ā Mycelial Muse (Facilitators: Rocky Heron, John Jacob Mubarak)
- šæ July 26 ā Aug 1 ā Grandmother Vine (Facilitators: Ash Ruiz, Rocky Heron)
- š Aug 9ā14 ā Mycelial Muse (Facilitators: Rocky Heron, John Jacob Mubarak)
Over 900 men have found that space at Qasa. If something in this story feels familiar that recognition is worth paying attention to.
